ritchiemiller.org

Everyone knows that parenting can be hard sometimes. The good news is that it may not be as hard as you think. In my new book, Spoiled Rotten: Loving Your Kids Without Indulging Them, I use the Bible, humor, common sense, and life experience to teach simple principles that help demystify your job as a parent. When you learn the “one thing” you must do, it makes communication, discipline, and protection so much easier. Stop living with stress and fear and learn how to release your child into the best future possible!

If you are interested in purchasing a book and the teaching series, or if you would like to book a parenting helps conference at no cost to your church budget, then visit the Spoiled Rotten website. I look forward to serving you.

Ritchie

This past Sunday we began a new message series entitled, “I Want A New Marriage.” It is off to a great start and there is more interest in this series than in any we have done in a long time. I have been literally inundated by couples who have let me know that they need this series desperately right now. We will end the series on August 29th with a wedding/vow renewal ceremony as a part of the services. I really hope you will attend and bring someone with you.

On August 15th we will incorporate a question and answer time at the end of each service. I want you to send your questions to me by writing them on your Communication Card and placing it in the offering on Sundays, by emailing it to me @ newmarriage@avalonchurch.net, or by texting your questions to 678.590.1467.

Have a great day!

Ritchie

In preparing for Easter we should take every opportunity to invite people all around us. One of the more obvious groups we should invite is our neighbors. It is easy. You know them. You do not even have to make a special trip.

I have invited several of my neighbors by having some of our invite cards with me. I have handed a card to one neighbor who was working in his yard when I came home. We chatted for a few minutes and I invited him and his family to church. I invited a couple of neighbors who were out walking their dog. I invited one family who were out in their front yard with their kids. I invited one neighbor who was out getting ready to mow his lawn and I stopped my vehicle, chatted for a minute, and gave him an invite card.

It is so easy. I hope you will make a conscious effort to invite a neighbor today.

Ritchie

This probably seems rather elementary and basic, but we need to invite our friends to church with us on Easter. I mean, Easter is what Christianity is all about right? Why would we not invite people who need to hear about it?

It is OK to invite Christian friends to church with you on Easter. After all, we all probably know someone who is in the market for a new church. Unfortunately, there are lots of Christians who are mere consumers and think that it is all about them. Our focus, however, should be on inviting those who are far from God and who are out of church completely. There are certainly many Christians who are out of church but there are many more who do not know Christ, and they should be our focus.

You have friends that do not know Jesus Christ. If you do not it is very easy to find someone to befriend. They are all around us. Ask a friend today. I have invited several non-believing friends on the phone, on Face Book, at the gym, and in my neighborhood. It is so easy. Invite someone today. It could change their life.

Ritchie

Today is Kim’s birthday. Happy Birthday! I do not know how you keep on turning 29 year after year, but you do it with grace.

For a birthday present I offered to give her a framed picture of me in my underwear, but she politely refused. I understand. It would be far too difficult to get any work done with a masterpiece like that setting around. Plus, it could make a lot of people jealous. That girl…she is always thinking of others.

Love, Ritchie

Kim and I our senior year of college. Don't you just love the 80's?

Here are a couple of ideas to help you communicate with your spouse.

1. Plan what, when, and how you communicate. Sometimes the reason communication breaks down is because it is not the right time or environment. Find out if your spouse is ready to talk immediately when he or she gets home or if they need to unwind first.
2. Avoid sarcasm, belittling, and abrasive talk. They are conversation killers.
3. Learn what not to say and what to say. I had to learn this the hard way in our first few years of marriage.
4. Always be willing to forgive.
5. Remember that time together is necessary for good communication. Communication happens best in the natural flow of relaxed time together. You must plan regular date nights and together times or your marriage will suffer.
6. Don’t force conversation or use negative language, negative body language, or unfair generalizations. “You always” or “You never” probably should be eliminated from your vocabulary.
7. Use eye contact, focused attention, and be generous with personal touch with each other. Sometimes just a hug, a touch on the arm, an arm around the shoulder, or holding hands can do wonders for your communication. So be generous with them.
8. Be generous with the praise.
9. Don’t be afraid to get help. After 23 years of marriage I have come to the conclusion that every couple needs counseling sometime. Kim and I have been to a professional counselor before and we are proud of it. I used to think that counseling was only for weak people. Wrong. You are going to need help so get it.

Hope this helps you become a better communicator. Have a great day!

Ritchie

Kim and I had been married for about a year when we bought our first house. One day I got home early and pulled my car into the garage and shut the door behind me. Usually, I left the garage door open and since she did not have a garage door opener in her car she did not think I was home yet. So I hid in the closet in our bedroom waiting for her. It took several minutes. I could hear her walking around the house. I was giddy just thinking about how fun this was going to be. Finally, she came into the bedroom and opened her closet. When she did, I grabbed her and screamed. I won’t tell you the rest of the story. Just suffice it to say, that was not the smartest thing I ever did. I was in the doghouse for a while. But it did give her a chance to work on that forgiving spirit the Bible talks about.

My problem was I really did not think ahead as to how my actions were going to affect my wife. What was fun for me at the time ended up being not so much fun later, if you know what I mean.

Communication in a marriage is the same way. You have to think ahead and plan ahead…especially if you want any fun later. Couples who do not learn how to communicate to each other will end up frustrated or convinced that they married a nag or a jerk. Hear the words of Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.

Proverbs 16:23 (GN) “Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say then is more persuasive.”

Proverbs 25:11 (CEV) “The right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver.”

Proverbs 16:21 (GN) ”A wise mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words the more persuasive he is.”

If men and women communicate differently then we must have a plan to deal with it! Think about it. I doubt you will ever hear this question in a men’s locker room. “Hey, Larry, do these shorts make my butt look fat?” He already knows the answer. It a’int the shorts, dude!

I speak in headlines. My wife speaks in fine print. I can sum up an entire day in a sentence. She wants details. It is not that I don’t want to give them to her it is just that she and I process details differently. This is important to know if you plan to keep the lines of communication open.

Tomorrow I will continue with some practical communication tips.

Ritchie

And you husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly. Colossians 3:19 (NLT)

Guys, women are different when it comes to feeling and expressing love. You are wired up to desire lots of sex and to conquer things. She is wired up for romance and affection. GOD COMMANDED US TO LOVE OUT WIVES! He never commanded women to love their husband. Isn’t that interesting? When you love your wife the way God commanded you to she will love you the way you want her to!

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies…So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25 & 33 (NLT)

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)

God has commanded husbands to be affectionate lovers. Remember, your wife does not feel, receive, or express love the way you do. Learn how your wife receives love and affection and shower her with it. God commanded it and you will have a very appreciative wife if you obey Him. And that makes everybody happy!

Men and women have different emotional needs. We tend to try to meet the emotional needs of our spouse in the same way that we feel our needs must be met. This simply does not work. It will never work. Women need romance and affection, deep conversation, security, honesty and openness, and commitment. These needs are entirely different from a man’s emotional needs.

There is a reason God made men and women to be different. God made women to be tender on the outside but tough on the inside. Women are much more capable of navigating tough emotional waters than men. This was necessary because women bear children. Men on the other hand are tough on the outside, but much more sensitive than women on the inside. Women are more expressive of their emotions than men. They can bond and connect with complete strangers. Men, on the other hand, rarely talk about their emotions. Men were made by God to be protectors and providers; therefore, God created them to be sexually connected (aggressive) and emotionally disconnected so that they could protect and provide for his family without breaking down.

Tomorrow we will talk about how to communicate better as a man.

Ritchie

Men who do not lead are never fully happy. I do not mean that all men desire to lead an army or a nation or even their own small business but God has designed us to lead. He wants us to lead in our homes. The sad truth is that many men meekly hand that role over and their home is worse off because of it. Happy marriages have bold leaders. That does not mean SOLE leaders, just bold leaders that know how to lead with a purpose and get everyone involved.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:21-24 (NLT)

Notice leadership does not mean dictatorship. God said that husbands and wives are to SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER. Then he went on to talk about the husband’s role of leadership. We men often like to remind our wives that God said they were to submit but we leave out the part that He also said we are to submit to our wives needs as well. This is a mutual submission that leads to harmony in the home. God also commanded the husband to love his wife in a self-sacrificing way like Christ loved the church.

Husbands, take up your role and lead in your home and in the church. We need you!

Tomorrow we will talk about a husbands role as an affectionate lover.

Ritchie

I think one of the reasons that so many men and women are unhappy in their relationships today is that they buy into the lies our culture tells about the sexes. “They” say men and women are really the same.

Wrong.

We are equal but not the same. Then there are some “relationship gurus” that try to convince women that what they really want is a man who is sensitive, loves to talk deeply and endlessly about his feelings, loves to sip lattes with his legs curled up under him, and doesn’t think about sex very often. I am not sure what you would call that but it would probably be a freak of nature. It could be a woman with a dude’s body but it would definitely not be a man. I love the line in the movie Groundhog Day when Andie McDowell is describing her perfect man. She goes on and on about how sensitive he is and how in touch he is with his feelings and Bill Murray looks at her and asks, “This is a man we’re talking about, right?” Funny thing is I have never met a happy husband (thus eventually making his wife unhappy) who tried to live out this kind of unnatural fantasy that is prescribed mostly by modern feminists, psychotherapists, and TV talk show hosts. At least, not one who is physically attracted to women!

So this week I am going to write about some things that the Bible teaches about being a man. God knows we need more men who act like men in our churches today.

Check in tomorrow and we will talk about how God has called men to leadership.

Ritchie