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I am continuing with these personal letters to Brandon, our son, who graduates from High School this May. They are a gift I am giving him and sharing with you. Perhaps you can use something like this with your children.

Letter # 3 – Responsibility

Dear Brandon,
From the time you were a little boy I have tried to teach you that you must be responsible for your actions. I never tried to coddle you when you got in trouble. I never tried to cover for you or get you out of your debts or responsibilities. I also tried never to overreact when you did childish or foolish things because that is what boys do; I remember very well from when I was a kid. Hopefully this has instilled a fierce spirit of independence in you. You have always been extremely independent by nature, walking to the beat of your own drummer. To be honest, that was a great challenge for your mom and me as we sometimes felt like beating our heads against the wall trying to figure you out. Frankly, I am glad that you were that way. I believe that inside every man beats a heart for adventure, challenge, and independence. When a man does not squelch this but keeps his eyes on God and follows his heart he will live a good life. A strong life. A life worth living. That is the kind of life I wish for you.

Taking responsibility is the price you must pay for this kind of existence. That is what men do. I know that we have a lot of males in our culture but I am not sure many of them have been allowed or encouraged to be men. Above all, God has created you in His image, for His glory, and for His purpose. He wants you to be a man with a purpose. Don’t ever forget that He, in His wisdom, created you to be a man.

So what must a man take responsibility for? What is a man to do? A man must take responsibility for his actions. Never blame anyone else for what you do. Do not pass the buck. Man up and be a leader.

A man must take responsibility for his plan. The Bible says that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. I have noticed, however, that the Lord rewards men who are prepared, not lazy, and who think. God does not want you to check your brains at the door. Pursue your education and make a life plan. God will guide you and open amazing doors for you but only if you are prepared and have a plan.

A man must take responsibility for his home. God has called you to be the leader of your home. When you get married you are to sanctify your wife and present her to God. You are to care for her, love her unconditionally, provide for her, protect her, become one with her, lead her, and get lost in the mystery of her soul and body. This means that you must begin protecting her now, even though you are not yet married. Do not be deceived by pornography, cheap women, or one night stands. They are empty and meaningless. They are love robbers. They are petty thieves of your soul. Wait for the woman you can respect, who will share in your adventure, bear your children, who is not afraid as long as you are around, and who will be there when no one else believes in you because she knows you.

A man must take responsibility for his relationship to God, his leadership, his beliefs, his emotions, his passions, and his decisions.

Drink with gusto from the flask of life, my son. Adventure awaits you as it does for all men. Will you seize the day? Will you live with passion? Will you live fearless and hearty feasting from the best of what God has made available? I pray so. I am proud of you. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead for you.

Carpe diem.

Love, Dad

Our son, Brandon, will graduate from high school in just a couple of months. Kim and I have done our best to try and train him to love Jesus Christ and to be a man. Over these next several weeks I am going to write some letters to him that I hope he will cherish for a long time and heed their wisdom for a life time. I am going to write about several important things that will help guide him through his young adult years, college, marriage, and the beginning of his career. All of what I write will be personal but I think it will also be helpful to other parents who are looking to give something to their children as they journey into the exciting and turbulent years of college and young adulthood. Some of the more personal letters I will keep to myself but I will share as much as I can with you in order to help inspire you to give something to your own children that will create a lasting bond between you.

Letter # 2 – Respect

Dear Brandon,

I know that you are too young to think that Aretha Franklin is cool but she has a song that spells out R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I think that respect is a huge thing in life. I have tried my best to teach you about respect. It is now up to you to put into practice what you have learned. I truly believe respect is one of the key things that help a person be successful in life. I also believe that it is one of just a few things that parents MUST teach their kids. It is one of those non-negotiable attributes that one must have.

You must respect God. The Bible refers to this as reverent fear for God. One must respect and revere God and keep Him at the center of one’s life. You will not always understand everything about God. He is far too vast for our finite minds to comprehend. You can know Him though. He loves you. Always approach Him with reverent fear.

You must respect authority. You will not always agree with authority. I hope you have learned from me how to respect those that you disagree with. There is far too much venom in our culture today. Be a part of the solution not a part of the problem.

You must respect yourself. Don’t go through life with a small view of yourself or the life God has given you. You are unique and have a unique purpose in life. I have always known that you are going to accomplish something great in life. You are a leader and I believe that you will accomplish your mission with great flair. Do not operate in ego or pride. Admit it when you fail. Be transparent with your success and your mistakes. Learn your strengths and weaknesses. Work on your strengths most. Surround yourself with others who are good at what you are not.

You must respect others without fearing them. Fear only God. Respect all men. Cower before none. Stand in awe of God and his creation. Admire others and congratulate them for the good things in their life but do not stand in awe of men. They are only human and the fear of man leads to failure. You are their equal and they are yours. What will separate you is your attitude, your work ethic, and your lack of fear. Lead when others tremble. Do not be afraid to take risks.

You must respect your woman. I know that God will give you a special woman that you will love with all your heart. Respect her, cherish her, and love her. Try to understand her but understand that the things about her that you don’t understand are what make her mysterious and special. You can understand dudes but probably not women. On the other hand you will get to make love to your wife and become one with her. That is worth not understanding a few things. Be kind to her. Do not belittle or berate her. God has charged the man with the responsibility of sanctifying his wife.

Now go seize the day.

Love, Dad

This morning I am headed to Beulah Heights University in Atlanta to speak to the college students in chapel. I always enjoy speaking at Christian Colleges and Christian Universities, especially when I get to speak in ministry chapel. The students are always lively, energetic, and a lot of fun to talk to. This also gives me an opportunity to wear a suit, which I do not normally do when I speak at Avalon. Anyway, this should be a lot of fun.

Ritchie

Easter is normally the biggest Sunday of the year for most pastors and for most churches. That is when there are more visitors, more occasional attendees, and more members there than any time of the year. I spend more time preparing my Easter message than just about any other message I preach during the year. I know at Avalon we are asking everyone to pray for “My Three” which is the three people or families that they are praying for every day to attend one of our Easter services.

I have had several pastors ask me for my Easter message and I am glad to share with anybody if it will help you as a study tool or even give you a fresh idea. If you would like to receive an e-mail copy of my Easter message all you need to do is e-mail my executive assistant, Katrina Betsill, @katrinab@avalonchurch.net and she will send an attached copy of my notes. Normally, my typed notes are formatted in Microsoft Word and are written on four half pages. Some of it is written in a way that only I understand but most of the time it all makes sense. If you would like to receive a weekly copy of my sermon notes then indicate that to her and we will be glad to add you to the list. I normally stay three to four weeks ahead and I almost always preach in series that last from three to six weeks.

Of course this is absolutely free. All I ask is that you preach with the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit and believe that God is going to honor His Word.

Have a great day!

Ritchie

Each week I list a couple of pastors/bloggers that I want you to pray for. Today I want to introduce you to three men that are making a difference in their communities.

Gene Wolfenbarger is the founding pastor of The Gathering in Sevierville, Tennessee. Gene has been my best friend on the planet for nearly 20 years. Our families vacation together nearly every year. His wife’s name is Karen and she is much nicer than Gene. I always tease her that she will get a great reward in Heaven for putting up with him for so long. Gene is a passionate preacher, a great leader, and is also the founder of The Lord’s Child, an international humanitarian aid organization. Check out his blog and look at the pictures of their new auditorium. They will move in just a couple of weeks from now.

In January I started the Avalon Pastor’s Coaching Network to mentor pastors and church planters. We have an awesome group of guys that are in the network and I want to introduce you to a couple of these pastors.

Eric Taylor is the founding pastor of Journey Church in Auburn, Alabama. Eric and his wife Sonja are faithfully leading this church to grow and reach people and they are awesome.

Mark Jenkins is the founding pastor of Restoration Church which is also in Auburn, Alabama. Mark and his wife Nicole make a great leadership team and are doing a great job as well. They too are awesome.

I love these guys and I am so proud of how they are being used by God to grow their churches for the Kingdom of God. Pray for all of them today. Pray for God’s protection over their families, their marriages, and their children. Pray that God will extend their influence and that He will encourage them. Pray that they will be faithful and that God will supply their needs.

If you get a chance shoot them an e-mail and let them know that you prayed for them today. You really have no idea how much this will encourage them.

Ritchie

Our son, Brandon, will graduate from high school in just a couple of months. Kim and I have done our best to try and train him to love Jesus Christ and to be a man. Over these next several weeks I am going to write some letters to him that I hope he will cherish for a long time and heed their wisdom for a life time. I am going to write about several important things that will help guide him through his young adult years, college, marriage, and the beginning of his career. All of what I write will be personal but I think it will also be helpful to other parents who are looking to give something to their children as they journey into the exciting and turbulent years of college and young adulthood. Some of the more personal letters I will keep to myself but I will share as much as I can with you in order to help inspire you to give something to your own children that will create a lasting bond between you.

Letter # 1 – Pride

Dear Brandon,
When I hear people use trite and worn out phrases like “words cannot express” I always laugh. They are using words to express what they said words could not express. Ironic isn’t it? I also think that they are just a little bit lazy. But as I sit here trying to think of how to express what I feel about you, son, I must admit that words are failing me. Love is such a simple word that carries vast and endless depth, but how can that one little word capture a life time spent watching you become a man. Hope is a good word too but I am afraid it seems rather weak when I lay it beside the dreams I have for you. Joy is a good word. It seems to be a happy word but how can I use the same word to describe how much pleasure your existence has brought me that others use to describe the emotion they feel when their favorite team wins a game? Perhaps I will use a word that is multi-layered and is both good and evil and has the potential to propel you or to crush you.

Pride.

It is a good word. I am proud of you. Until you have a son of your own and watch him become a man who is choosing to give his best to God you will never fully get to use that word the way I use it. It is a good, good word. I am proud of what you have done so far and I am proud of what you are becoming. I was proud of you when you took your first step as a boy and I am proud of you now that you are just weeks away from taking your first step as a man. Use this word in the right way in your life and it will be beautiful and pleasing to God. Take pride in your work. Take pride in your pursuits. Do your very best. Don’t be a quitter. Take care of your body so that you can please God and be healthy. Have enough pride to stand on your own. Be a man. Don’t follow the crowd. Stand up for what you believe. Be proud.

On the other hand, do not have sinful pride. God hates that kind of self-aggrandizing, ego-driven existence. It goes before a fall. God resists it. Others hate it. Be willing to admit it when you are wrong. It will make you stronger. Be humble and take pride in character rather than talent. Help the less fortunate. Realize that, but for the grace of God, that would be you. Never put your self-worth in such fallible and fleeting things as money, status, looks, or possessions. Those things are momentary at best.

If you can learn to be humble and proud at the same time you will have taken a giant step toward becoming the man God wants you to be. You will wrestle with this all your life but don’t ever give up the fight. It will reward you with a life that very few ever find – a life of meaning and purpose. You can do it. I know you can.

Actually, I know you will. That is why I am so proud of you.

Love, Dad

This is my favorite time of the year for sports. I love the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, aka, March Madness. This first weekend is so much fun because there are so many games and upsets. I am planning on watching several games today. The Tar Heels won yesterday and I am holding out for a national championship.

Happy watching.

Ritchie

Today I will be meeting with the Avalon Pastor’s Coaching Network for most of the day. Most of these guys are church planters who started their church. We do roundtable discussions and I facilitate teaching on lots of church growth issues. We also provide individualized coaching to try and help each pastor go to the next level in their particular ministry. Pray for them and their ministry teams that they will reach many for Christ and that they will have safety while they travel to and from Avalon Church today.

Ritchie

Lots of people want authority without the responsibility that comes along with it. Have you ever dealt with a petty person that has a tiny bit of authority and they want to make your life miserable but they really don’t plan to make the situation any better? If you have ever been a part of a bad HOA (home owners association) you know exactly what I am talking about. In many of our American churches the leadership structure is totally unbiblical. I love deacons. I know many who are godly men. Unfortunately, many of them have been failed by their pastors because they have been afraid to teach the biblical job description. Deacons are to serve, not to usurp the authority of the church or the pastor. I cannot say that I know every church in America. That would be dumb. I do, however, have experience with thousands of churches, pastors, and staff members and I know that many churches are run by people who want the authority to call the shots, but they do not want the responsibility that comes with leadership. They want the power but they want someone else’s tail to be on the line when things are called into account. Of course there are pastors that operate that way with their staff too. They are insecure or jealous so they give responsibility but they do not give the authority so that the job can be done. This kind of leadership is doomed for failure.

In the book of Genesis God gave Adam authority and responsibility before he sinned. He gave him the authority over the earth and the animals and the responsibility to keep and tend the Garden of Eden. Adam liked the authority but he shunned his responsibility, especially with his wife. He just stood by while Eve talked to the serpent and let her fail! Sadly, many people do the same kind of damage to their own bride, or even worse, they do it to Christ’s bride, the church.

What are your thoughts? What authority issues are you challenged with?

Ritchie

I have a pretty busy week ahead of me. In addition to all of my normal work with sermon prep and planning, working on the vision of the church, administrative tasks, and leading the staff I have some big meetings with our executive staff and with a few other people (bank, county government, zoning board, architect, developer) about our building plans. I also have to finish a couple of chapters in my upcoming book and then meet all day on Thursday with a group of pastors and church planters that I am coaching.

I tell you this not because I want you to think I am important or because I want to give you an inflated sense of how dedicated and pious I am because I am doing the “work of the Lord.” I know you are probably just as busy as I am. Lots of people think that pastors don’t work hard and that is probably because they really do not know how much work is entailed in pastoring and leading a church. The truth is most pastors do not know how hard your particular job is either. I consider my work to be important but yours is just as important as mine. Even if you are not called to vocational ministry God has a call, a job, a purpose, and a plan for your life. I would say most people work hard and are very busy.

Here is why I point this out. When I get busy I am tempted to take shortcuts. I am tempted to cut back or cut out my priorities. I feel like I am too busy to pray, read the Bible, spend time with my family, or exercise. It is during the busy times that I need these things most! You could say that I am too busy NOT to pray, read the Bible, spend time with my family, or exercise. I have made these things a priority in my life because they are the most important.

What are the things that you think are the most important? How have you prioritized them? It is when we get the busiest and most overwhelmed that we need structure and stability. What is it that you are too busy NOT to do?

Ritchie