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You have probably heard the saying “happiness is a choice.” That is not just some expression that a TV pitchman came up with trying to sell you a book. It is actually a Bible principle. In 1 Peter 3 the Apostle Peter told us that we could choose to be happy. He was quoting a psalm of David from Psalm 34. So the principle is biblical and it is thousands of years old. Happiness is not a result of our circumstances but it comes from our attitude.

You have probably met people who had terrible circumstances but they were happy anyway because they chose to be. You probably have also met people who had almost everything life has to offer and yet they are miserable. How can one person who is dying of AIDS and living in abject poverty in a township in South Africa be filled with joy while another lives in America in a beautiful home, has two cars, plenty of food, lots of toys, and has nearly unlimited choices be so discontented? It simply comes down to choosing to be happy.

Let’s be honest, there will never be perfect circumstances in your job, your marriage, or your life. If you do not choose to be happy you will go through life disappointed, angry, bitter, and envious of what you perceive others to have.

Today your assignment is to enjoy the journey. Seize the day. Be thankful for what you have. Keep a positive attitude about life even if you are facing tough times. Encourage yourself by remembering God’s promises. When you do this you are choosing happiness.

I bet you feel better already, don’t you?

Ritchie

One of the best ways to stay encouraged and to keep a positive mental outlook is to be thankful for what you have. The Apostle Paul told us, “In everything give thanks.” That is a powerful, spirit-lifting, and life-changing attitude. Can you imagine how hard it was for Paul to say that? He had been stoned (not the kind of being stoned that some of you are familiar with but the kind where they throw giant rocks at your head to crush it and kill you), whipped, beaten, and imprisoned for his faith. He had been betrayed by friends and threatened by enemies. He had known wealth and poverty, hunger and fullness, freedom and imprisonment, community and loneliness, and yet he was still thankful.

Being thankful will encourage you! Stuck in traffic? Be thankful you have a car! Arguing with the in-laws? Be thankful for your spouse! Frustrated with your kids? Be thankful God gave them to you. Lost your job? Be thankful you still have your skills and soon you will be able to use them again! Don’t like your boss? Be glad you have a job! There are so many things to be thankful for that your spirits will be lifted if you just take time to say “thank you” to God.

You can start by thanking God for Jesus Christ and the fact that He offers forgiveness and a relationship with Him. What else are you thankful for today? Try writing down ten things you are thankful for and see if that encourages you.

Hey, I am thankful that you are reading this. Now have a great day!

Ritchie

I love it when people encourage me. You are probably the same way. My mother was a great encourager. She instilled in me a great confidence that if I would work hard and believe in myself that I could do just about anything. As I have gotten older I realize that I can’t do everything but still she had a profound impact on my self-confidence.

We all need encouragement. Let’s face it there are lots of things that can discourage us; bills, Atlanta traffic, report cards, the economy, the news, unruly kids, looking at yourself naked in the mirror, and negative people.

The Bible tells us that we should encourage each other. The Bible also tells us that we should encourage ourselves. David, the king of Israel, “encouraged himself in the Lord.” Over the next few days I am going to write about ways that you can encourage yourself. I hope you will check in each day to learn about how you can be encouraged and how you can encourage others.

Your assignment for today is simply to smile. Smile at yourself in the mirror, smile at everyone you meet today, and wear a smile all day. It will lift your spirits and people will wonder what you are up to.

You are going to be strong today so go and seize the day!

Ritchie

Here are a couple of ideas to help you communicate with your spouse.

1. Plan what, when, and how you communicate. Sometimes the reason communication breaks down is because it is not the right time or environment. Find out if your spouse is ready to talk immediately when he or she gets home or if they need to unwind first.
2. Avoid sarcasm, belittling, and abrasive talk. They are conversation killers.
3. Learn what not to say and what to say. I had to learn this the hard way in our first few years of marriage.
4. Always be willing to forgive.
5. Remember that time together is necessary for good communication. Communication happens best in the natural flow of relaxed time together. You must plan regular date nights and together times or your marriage will suffer.
6. Don’t force conversation or use negative language, negative body language, or unfair generalizations. “You always” or “You never” probably should be eliminated from your vocabulary.
7. Use eye contact, focused attention, and be generous with personal touch with each other. Sometimes just a hug, a touch on the arm, an arm around the shoulder, or holding hands can do wonders for your communication. So be generous with them.
8. Be generous with the praise.
9. Don’t be afraid to get help. After 23 years of marriage I have come to the conclusion that every couple needs counseling sometime. Kim and I have been to a professional counselor before and we are proud of it. I used to think that counseling was only for weak people. Wrong. You are going to need help so get it.

Hope this helps you become a better communicator. Have a great day!

Ritchie

Kim and I had been married for about a year when we bought our first house. One day I got home early and pulled my car into the garage and shut the door behind me. Usually, I left the garage door open and since she did not have a garage door opener in her car she did not think I was home yet. So I hid in the closet in our bedroom waiting for her. It took several minutes. I could hear her walking around the house. I was giddy just thinking about how fun this was going to be. Finally, she came into the bedroom and opened her closet. When she did, I grabbed her and screamed. I won’t tell you the rest of the story. Just suffice it to say, that was not the smartest thing I ever did. I was in the doghouse for a while. But it did give her a chance to work on that forgiving spirit the Bible talks about.

My problem was I really did not think ahead as to how my actions were going to affect my wife. What was fun for me at the time ended up being not so much fun later, if you know what I mean.

Communication in a marriage is the same way. You have to think ahead and plan ahead…especially if you want any fun later. Couples who do not learn how to communicate to each other will end up frustrated or convinced that they married a nag or a jerk. Hear the words of Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.

Proverbs 16:23 (GN) “Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say then is more persuasive.”

Proverbs 25:11 (CEV) “The right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver.”

Proverbs 16:21 (GN) ”A wise mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words the more persuasive he is.”

If men and women communicate differently then we must have a plan to deal with it! Think about it. I doubt you will ever hear this question in a men’s locker room. “Hey, Larry, do these shorts make my butt look fat?” He already knows the answer. It a’int the shorts, dude!

I speak in headlines. My wife speaks in fine print. I can sum up an entire day in a sentence. She wants details. It is not that I don’t want to give them to her it is just that she and I process details differently. This is important to know if you plan to keep the lines of communication open.

Tomorrow I will continue with some practical communication tips.

Ritchie

And you husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly. Colossians 3:19 (NLT)

Guys, women are different when it comes to feeling and expressing love. You are wired up to desire lots of sex and to conquer things. She is wired up for romance and affection. GOD COMMANDED US TO LOVE OUT WIVES! He never commanded women to love their husband. Isn’t that interesting? When you love your wife the way God commanded you to she will love you the way you want her to!

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies…So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25 & 33 (NLT)

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)

God has commanded husbands to be affectionate lovers. Remember, your wife does not feel, receive, or express love the way you do. Learn how your wife receives love and affection and shower her with it. God commanded it and you will have a very appreciative wife if you obey Him. And that makes everybody happy!

Men and women have different emotional needs. We tend to try to meet the emotional needs of our spouse in the same way that we feel our needs must be met. This simply does not work. It will never work. Women need romance and affection, deep conversation, security, honesty and openness, and commitment. These needs are entirely different from a man’s emotional needs.

There is a reason God made men and women to be different. God made women to be tender on the outside but tough on the inside. Women are much more capable of navigating tough emotional waters than men. This was necessary because women bear children. Men on the other hand are tough on the outside, but much more sensitive than women on the inside. Women are more expressive of their emotions than men. They can bond and connect with complete strangers. Men, on the other hand, rarely talk about their emotions. Men were made by God to be protectors and providers; therefore, God created them to be sexually connected (aggressive) and emotionally disconnected so that they could protect and provide for his family without breaking down.

Tomorrow we will talk about how to communicate better as a man.

Ritchie

I want to encourage you. Last night I really felt impressed from the Lord to focus on a time of encouragement for Avalon Church and others that God brings across my path. I feel constantly barraged with bad news, political jockeying, and gloom and doom on the economic front from the media and the pundits. If you add that to all that life throws our way each day it can be downright discouraging at times.

I read this from Isaiah 41:10: “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

I just want you to know that you do not have to feel depressed, discouraged, or defeated. If you are a Christ-follower you have every reason to be happy and filled with joy. There is hope! God is with us.
This Sunday I will talk about the Good Samaritan. There are some powerful truths we can learn from this story that Jesus told. I really want you to be there to hear it. I believe it will be a HUGE encouragement to you. If you know someone who has been a little down lately I hope you will bring them with you. I believe it will lift their spirits if they come this Sunday. We are going to encourage each other!

I love you and I look forward to seeing you this Sunday.

Ritchie

Men who do not lead are never fully happy. I do not mean that all men desire to lead an army or a nation or even their own small business but God has designed us to lead. He wants us to lead in our homes. The sad truth is that many men meekly hand that role over and their home is worse off because of it. Happy marriages have bold leaders. That does not mean SOLE leaders, just bold leaders that know how to lead with a purpose and get everyone involved.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:21-24 (NLT)

Notice leadership does not mean dictatorship. God said that husbands and wives are to SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER. Then he went on to talk about the husband’s role of leadership. We men often like to remind our wives that God said they were to submit but we leave out the part that He also said we are to submit to our wives needs as well. This is a mutual submission that leads to harmony in the home. God also commanded the husband to love his wife in a self-sacrificing way like Christ loved the church.

Husbands, take up your role and lead in your home and in the church. We need you!

Tomorrow we will talk about a husbands role as an affectionate lover.

Ritchie

I think one of the reasons that so many men and women are unhappy in their relationships today is that they buy into the lies our culture tells about the sexes. “They” say men and women are really the same.

Wrong.

We are equal but not the same. Then there are some “relationship gurus” that try to convince women that what they really want is a man who is sensitive, loves to talk deeply and endlessly about his feelings, loves to sip lattes with his legs curled up under him, and doesn’t think about sex very often. I am not sure what you would call that but it would probably be a freak of nature. It could be a woman with a dude’s body but it would definitely not be a man. I love the line in the movie Groundhog Day when Andie McDowell is describing her perfect man. She goes on and on about how sensitive he is and how in touch he is with his feelings and Bill Murray looks at her and asks, “This is a man we’re talking about, right?” Funny thing is I have never met a happy husband (thus eventually making his wife unhappy) who tried to live out this kind of unnatural fantasy that is prescribed mostly by modern feminists, psychotherapists, and TV talk show hosts. At least, not one who is physically attracted to women!

So this week I am going to write about some things that the Bible teaches about being a man. God knows we need more men who act like men in our churches today.

Check in tomorrow and we will talk about how God has called men to leadership.

Ritchie

Avalon Church gives 10% of every offering to Avalon HOPE. Since it is a separate non-profit corporation we also receive gifts and grants from businesses, individuals, and other non-profit organizations. Check out the last few posts to learn more about what Avalon HOPE does around the world.

Ritchie