The Funniest Thoughts I Had in 2017

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As we close 2017, here are a few humorous thoughts that I had this year. Not all are original with me, but they are funny nonetheless.

 

1.     Teamwork is important. It gives you someone else to blame when you screw things up!

2.     The smarter our phones get the dumber we get.

3.     If the voices in my head are not real, then why are their ideas so awesome?

4.     I counseled a couple and the wife complained that her husband never took her to expensive places anymore. I suggested the grocery store.

5.     The older I get the clearer my conscience gets. I don’t know if I have dealt with my issues or if I can’t remember what I did.

6.     If the saying, “Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away” is true, then taking the stairs must be one of life’s greatest moments.

7.     I like to think that a hamburger in one hand and fries in the other is a balanced diet.

8.     Someone told me if I finish what I start, I’d feel better. I just finished an entire bag of chocolate chips and I feel awesome!

9.     The cautious, slow driver is considerate when he is behind me, but a jerk when he is in front of me.

10.  I would eat more vegetables if they tasted like bacon.

11.  My doctor told me there was a thin person inside me waiting to get out. That must be why I weigh so much.

12.  The reason I run early in the morning i my brain isn’t awake enough to tell me how stupid that is.

13.  When I was in college I often arrived late to class, but I made up for it by leaving early.

14.  A woman commented on Facebook, “This picture is of me when I was younger.” Aren’t all pictures?

Smile! God loves you!